She Can't Find Fault In You, When She Truly Loves Herself

Reader in Nashville, TN….
Cha, I'd like to know why females are so distrusting and jealous of other females who try to do the right things... Who are happy, empowered and so comfortable in the skin they are in, and how can those confident, classy women positively deal with the negativity spewed their way...Why can't women truly form and forge real relationships and stop being so petty, hurting and breaking down one another?

Response: Well, let me just start by saying that some people dislike others who are doing what they would like to be doing. Jealousy shows up when they have allowed themselves to burry the “real” person they want to become. Many women become jealous or have some type of resentment because they failed to follow the dreamer that lives inside of them. They wanted a similar life, man, career, or the peace they consistently see you having. They stopped believe that they too can have the things that they desire to have. Isn’t it funny how it is so easy to give your power away by becoming resentful?

We all have a purpose and we all are given opportunities, but it is when we do not take advantage of our opportunities that we find issue in someone else. You have heard the statement, misery loves company, and it does. No one wants to miss the party alone. It is much easier to be happy knowing that you have failed to follow your dreams, but that you have other’s keeping you company.

People are not required to look in the mirror when they surround themselves with everyone who looks just like them. Have you noticed that most people who do not want to advance always keep company with those on their same level or below? When you desire to move beyond where you currently are, you must be willing to stretch and grow. Most people do not want to step out of their comfort zones, and do something different. Therefore, they find issue when you do.

I do believe that women can get along and have healthy positive relationships, and I believe that many of us do. Some people will find fault in anything you do, and it is because they have not found out how to awaken the best of who they are. So, I encourage you to send them a silent blessing, and allow them to be. Do not stop being who you are because another woman has not found the courage to become who she desires to be. Remember, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

I am encouraged every time I see women engaging in positive and loving relationships, and my hope is that you can find that for yourself. Sisterhood is vital to our womanly experience. When we cannot find and embrace the love for our fellow sisters it’s because of the lack within, and it has not always been this way. In some African villages it was custom for all the women to live and work together, only to interact with men to procreate. While in the villages the women bonded, raised children, and took care of each other. So, it can be done, but unfortunately so many women are so unhappy with themselves and the life they have created.

I think the real answer to your question can be simply put by saying…we must start today to be the friend we want to see in our friendships. We attract into our lives exactly who we are. Become your sister’s keeper and love all women as you want to be loved. Send your sister’s love and just like anything else, you will begin to see more love come back to you. Soon, you will start to encounter more women with positive outlooks and who want to give just as much as they receive, and who want the best for you just as they want for themselves. Jealousy has no room in a place that is surrounded with love. I hope this helps. – CJ

Quit in 2009

I'm just passing something I got in an email along...

1) Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness!-Respect their position and keep it moving!
2) Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them!-And if you keep telling them, then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets!
3) Quit trying to pull people on your journey who don't want to travel with you!-Either they believe in you and value you ...or they don't!
4) Quit complaining about things you can't and won't change!-I am not working on being a size 6 or a model....so instead of complaining about the weight charts, I negotiated with my doctor for a "comfortable weight for me." Forget the charts! I created my own "healthy weight!"
5) Quit gossiping about other people!-Minding our own business should be a full time job!
6) Quit blaming each other for things that in the big picture aren't going to matter 3 weeks from now!-Talk solutions...and then implement them!
7) Quit eating things you know are not good for you!-If you can't quit...eat smaller portions! (I know...this is hard for me too!)
8) Quit buying things when we know we can't afford them!-If you don't have self control, then quit going to the stores!-Quit charging things, especially when you don't NEED them!
9) Quit staying in unhealthy relationships!-It is not okay for people to verbally or physically abuse you! So quit lying to yourself!-It is not okay to stay in the marriage for the children! Ask them and they will tell you that they really would prefer to see you happy and that the misery you and your spouse/partner are living with is affecting them!
10) Quit letting family members rope you into the drama!-Start telling them you don't want to hear it!-Quit spreading the drama!-Quit calling other relatives and telling them about your cousin or aunt! Go back to #5 - minding your own business should be enough to keep you busy!
11) Quit trying to change people! IT DOESN'T WORK!-I am still working on this because I really see a world of possibilities for others and try to convince them to see and want differently for themselves!-Quit cussing people out when you know that they are just being the miserable and jealous people that they are!
12) Quit the job you hate!-Start pursuing your passion-HINT: find the job that fuels your passion before you quit!
13) Quit volunteering for things that you aren't getting any personal fulfillment from anymore!-Quit volunteering for things and then failing to follow through with your commitment!
14) Quit listening to the naysayer!-Quit watching the depressing news if you are going to live in the doom and gloom of it all!
15) Quit making excuses about why you are where you are or why you can't do what you want to do!
16) Quit waiting on others to give you the answers...and start finding the answers for yourself!

If what you are doing isn't working for you...then quit it!-Quit settling and start making your dreams a reality!-Quit being afraid and START LIVING YOUR LIFE!

HELP! I Want to Blog With Purpose....

Let’s start something new. For everyone who reads and enjoys my blog I need to hear from you. I love helping people, especially my sister’s, and I want to know what you need and want to hear. How can Mocha Talk help you daily or weekly? What encourages you? What helps you get through the day? What do you really long to know more about?

I want to take myself to a new level. I want to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone.

For my brothers who participate I want your advice also. I would like for Mocha Talk to be interactive, so I need your comments. If you have stopped by and read a line or two, but didn’t comment, please start. Mocha Talk is about the conversation; the conversation that you want to have, but don’t have anyone to have it with.

So, it has been written, I am open to hear what is on your mind. I am blogging with purpose in 2009, and I want you to read with one as well. Please join me in the quest to encourage and enlighten all that seek knowledge.

I am having fun, enjoying life, and seeking to be stretched to my best possible person.

If you want to add your thoughts or hear what I think about a topic please submit topics to my via my contact page at http://balancingalife.com/contactus.html or shoot me an email misschajones@gmail.com subject Mocha Talk

Cha

Are You Ready For Change?

On Tuesday, we will move forward as America accepts Barack Obama into office as our 44th President, and the very first African American President. Wow! This is history. This is going to be a moment when time does actually stop, and for one-second, things that once mattered will no long matter.

Now, let me address that last statement, because I do not want people thinking that I believe President Obama is our miracle drug by any stretch of the imagination. However, I do think that we have crossed over into a different dimension as for how we will need to proceed forward. America is far from healed of its tattered past, and I do not think just having an African-American president will solve race relations in the country. However, I do believe that this country, as well as the world, is evolving in its thinking.

As an African American woman who was raised with a great appreciation for her history, culture, and a preserved heritage I believe that we are moving in a better direction. I also think it would be foolish of us to ask President Obama to be our savior and hold him accountable for fixing America as a whole. I think it is the responsibility of each citizen to be an active participant in this process. For the last eight years, we allowed our government to treat us like infants with disabilities. They feed us lies, and then covered up all times of schemes, while selling us on a war with no mission. Now, we are paying for the debts of ignorance and our children will be paying greatly for years to come.

We are in a new time and as we embrace all that is before us, it is important to ask ourselves, “What role am I willing play in change?” Change is not going to come left up to a certain political party. Change is not going to come left up to President Obama. Change is not going to come left up to a certain race of people. Change will only come when we all step up and play our part. We must all decide that we want to live better lives and do something different to ensure that we can. We must be advocates for our own futures as people and citizens of this country.

Today, I am looking in the mirror at myself. I am looking around at my home and community, while taking inventory of what needs to change. I am asking myself some valuable questions. I know that I am only one person, but I know that change starts with self. I have to become the change I want to see in my home, community, city, state, country, and the world before I can expect it. We all have a part that we can play. It does not matter how big that part is, but we must be willing to play a part. Just for today, start taking inventory of what you can change around you. Remember, that we are all in this together. On Tuesday, take a deep breathe, let time stop for a second, and celebrate the moment, but put your action plan to work come Wednesday. Then move for change!

Headed In the Right Direction

We are almost half way into this month and we should be well on our way to making New Years resolutions habit. If you are struggling don’t beat yourself up, remember to ask someone to hold you accountable and keep it moving.

As I keep my eyes stead fast on my goals and moving toward the very things I desire there are no doubt obstacles. Quitting or resorting back to things that no longer serve my best and authentic self seem to be thoughts, but have not been an option. When I think about going backwards I remind myself that I have already been there and it did not work, so going back would not be adventurous. I must move forward even if it is difficult, because I am being stretched and learning more about who I am.

When you are in a place you have never been, surrounded by unfamiliar things and circumstances it often feels like you are in the wrong place. However, if one is going to become a better person and realize the newness of life, one must tread unfamiliar territory if even for a short while.

Today, I am learning that although this feels different and nothing looks familiar I am where I need to be to learn the lessons I need to learn for this time. I am growing, and in that, I may experience growing pains. However, I have been prepared for this moment. I am not fearful of the unknown. I want to experience new things and receive blessing that I have only dreamt about. If you are ready to go to a place you have never been, then you have to be prepared to do something you have never done. Remember, keep looking toward the place you desire to be and let nothing turn you around.

Taking the Steps

Here we are at day five of this wonderful New Year. How are you doing with your goals or resolutions? Well, I think I am off to a wonderful start. I have made an effort to go to the gym and workout and I am actually enjoying it. I have eliminated some unhealthy things out of my life. I have decided not to tolerate unloving acts against me. I am making better decisions about the things that I do, and most importantly, I trust that what I need will be available.

This is the year that I do what is best for me, and what makes me the happiest. What I have learned in my life is that life is a journey, and every step is important. As I make an effort to change the things in my life that need to be changed I know that I have to do something different. Many people want to keep doing the same things and expect a different result, which is the definition of insanity. It is insane to believe that you can keep acting like you acted last year and things will be different this year. If you plan on getting new results this year you need to be dedicated to changing your habits.

I have never really understood someone saying that they wanted to live a different life, but they keep doing the things that created the current life they have. You have to become proactive about the change you desire to see. Take some initiative and move. Nothing will happen until you decide it’s time to move. It is in the movement that change actually occurs. If you don’t think you can do it alone, then tell someone else what you want and ask them to hold you accountable. We should all find someone that we are accountable to; it helps us stay on track.

Today, is about keeping our eyes on the goal and taking the steps needed to keep moving forward. If you haven’t begun moving that’s ok, but remember nothing happens until you move. Make an honest effort to move even if it’s in a tiny way. Remember that insanity is when you do the same things and expect a different result. You are not insane, so stop acting like it. Just for today do something you haven’t ever done or take your first step towards one of your new goals. I bet you will feel like you are moving in the right direction.

New Beginnings

Well, we live to see yet another year. This year I am living my best life and having fun in the process. I’m listening to my inner voice and following the path that leads to fulfillment. In less than twenty days we will accept into office our first African-American President, and change will begin. However, I believe that change in already in progress. Have you prepared for the changes that you desire to see in this New Year? Have you written your personal mission statement or your New Years resolution?

As I prepared for 2009 I made sure my home was clean, and I moved out the things that I no longer needed. I always like to start my year off with a clean environment without the baggage of the previous year. Last night I attended a Burning Bowl Ceremony where I wrote down all the things I wanted to release from my life on a piece of paper, and then we took the list outside and placed it in a fire. After the burning of what we wanted to release, we then wrote everything we wanted to be blessed with in the New Year and placed it in an enveloped to be mailed to ourselves in six months.

As with any ceremony or ritual you place the idea of what you would like to see out into the Universe by your actions. However, the real work begins when you actually stop doing the things that you no longer feel you should be doing, and starting what you really want to do. So, whatever you have decided that you want to accomplish in this New Year you must remember to also prepare to do the work required. If you have decided to release some unwanted weight, then you need to eat better and work out more than you did last year. If you want to stop smoking, then you have to make a conscious decision to smoke one less cigarette a day until you get to your desired result. You can reach all of your goals and have anything that you placed on your list, but you must be willing to do the required work.

So, as we begin this New Year let us no longer look backwards at what we did not have in the previous year, but rather start looking forward to what we desire. Remember to get up every morning and be thankful for yet another day. Pause frequently to acknowledge what you have correctly, efficiently, and without hesitation been able to complete. Go the extra mile to help make someone feel a little better, and always want more for someone else than for yourself. Whatever you do, keep your eyes on the goal and stay focused on your dreams. There may be some obstacles, but when you only notice the goal then the obstacles don’t really exist.

Today, I am starting over and living my life as I desire. I am acknowledging that there are things that no longer serve my best interest and I am letting them go. I am moving forward and seeing myself doing things I want to complete this year. I am already the person I desire to be, and I wish for you many blessing, prosperity, and the best health. I know not what tomorrow holds, but I do know that if I take one step forward in the right direction everything I need, will be available to me. Happy New Year and best wishes!